Welcome to the comment section of The Redemptive! I realize some things discussed in this post are sensitive topics. If you’re uncomfortable with me sharing what I’ve personally experienced under complementarian teaching or disagree with where I’ve landed with it as a result, I understand.
But please know, this is not the place for you to share that complementarian teaching never harmed you or you’ve never seen it used to harm anyone. I’ve lived this and watch many, many families that we did church with be shattered by it. If you don’t know what that’s like, I’m thankful.
Allow the comment section here to be a soft place for others like me who need to know they aren’t alone or dismissed. Have grace and be kind.
I know I'm way behind in your posts; but getting to catch up now is like returning home to sit with a sister I don't know and who doesn't know me, but a sister all the same. I relate so so much to the little you let us glimpse of your life, and I just pray God's increasing blessings on your precious life.
Was just discussing this last night at dinner with a friend. You handled this discussion SO WELL. Your words are laced with honesty but also dignity. Good on you, Brea.
love this conversation and wrote about it today in my own substance without reading yours--which gives me hope that a lot of sour feeling the same and are talking about it at great cost. so anyway, keep going!
Thank you for this, Breanne. I grew up in a similar environment, and the current atmosphere scares me because it's so familiar. It's reactionary, and scared people are scary.
this analogy makes so much sense! for most of my life I would have said I grew up on the fringes, that similar teachings were familiar but not consuming but I'm starting to think maybe I was more immersed than I realized. so much to untangle and work through here and a lot of it I don't even know how to verbalize. thank you for starting this conversation. <3
Here for this! Once you see how a certain theology can destroy like the Bradford pear rips through an ecosystem, it’s hard to stay silent. Once you see it, it’s so obvious. Reactions so visceral. But to those who still see the “beauty” it can be jarring I suppose. I get it. Have no doubt you’ll approach the topic with nuance and grace.
I appreciate your voice and your perspective Breanne, and I’ll be here to listen to your story (from another 30-something woman uprooting rogue seedlings and searching for what good trees look like)
As I read this sitting in a parking lot near a patch of woodland being decimated by these invasive trees, I am HERE for this conversation! I love the Bradford pear analogy, it is incredibly apt at describing the harm I’ve seen done too. Thank you for being brave & willing to explore this.
Our area has been completely gobbled up by those trees and it breaks my heart. And the parallels these invasive trees have with the current resurgence of the teaching I grew up with has given me language I didn't know I needed to describe it. Thank you for receiving my story.
Thanks for going here. By all outward accounts I could fall into the “trad” mold. If you were to look at our family, we check a lot of boxes. And sometimes I don’t know what to do with the fact that I trigger myself into “maybe I’m a fundamentalist” holes (despite the presence of wise outside sources and counsel to tell me this is not true).
I feel a similar panic in interacting with some of these spaces, because I can’t explain very well what’s so damaging about the ideology. Your pear tree is a good analogy, because it’s exactly how it is. And once you see it, it makes you sick.
But gosh, I still love trees with blossoms.
I just want the ones that are good for my land, and sometimes I don’t know how to explain the difference between the two, and I don’t trust myself to know it.
Thanks for sharing this, Annelise. I know what its like to not be able to explain very well what's damaging about certain things I'd been taught as unwaveringly true. I'm glad you're here and welcome you having a seat at the virtual table here.
A thought on the ‘maybe I’m a fundamentalist’ holes - Tim Keller wrote a series of articles about how fundamentalism is holding to certain theological beliefs PLUS exhibiting certain sociological traits, that one might hold to those beliefs yet not have those traits so one wouldn’t be fundamentalist. I can’t remember what the series was called, maybe something about the rise and fall of evangelicalism? I found it so helpful in understanding exactly what was the difference between the two, and why I might agree with someone’s theology on paper yet feel so misaligned with them.
This. This was what I didn't know I needed. I too was raised in a very religious community where I learned to silence my own dreams and put motherhood and being a wife first. I'm no longer physically in that space, but it still has a hold internally. I look forward to reading more. Thank you so much for sharing such a vulnerable, authentic part of yourself.
>“I’m broaching these subjects as someone who speaks the mother-tongue and, as a result, has had to spend years of my life learning what it means to use my own voice.”
YES. This resonates with my own experience so much. I’m looking forward to reading this series so much. Your analogy to an invasive species, planted in hopes of solving one problem and instead creating a hundred others and choking the life out of what was there, is so good. I hope this lands with many who are searching for answers and whose hearts are open to the warnings of those who *already lived through this.*
I feel like I’m a 1/2-1 generation ahead of you and we were preached who whole different message that is equally damaging. Watching what you experienced creep back in subtly and not so subtly is alarming. I’m here for your tender story.
1. I drive down my suburban street this time of year and think, “Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your cow…” and want to take a chainsaw to them too.
2. I’ve been wrestling with complementarianism too, especially how it is increasingly being twisted in my church. There are attitudes towards women that I just can’t abide. And any woman who uses her mind and speaks up in any capacity is odd to some. It doesn’t sit well with me. But I do think I see the untwisted intent in scripture, especially when you also look at Eph. 5:21 and the commands for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church in 5:25-31. Proverbs 31 also blows the notion that women can’t work and help provide right out of the water. I’ll be praying for you as you take this topic on.
Following, because I too was a child raised through the '90s in a 'traditional' lifestyle, and I too am concerned about the current recycling of the idea.
Welcome to the comment section of The Redemptive! I realize some things discussed in this post are sensitive topics. If you’re uncomfortable with me sharing what I’ve personally experienced under complementarian teaching or disagree with where I’ve landed with it as a result, I understand.
But please know, this is not the place for you to share that complementarian teaching never harmed you or you’ve never seen it used to harm anyone. I’ve lived this and watch many, many families that we did church with be shattered by it. If you don’t know what that’s like, I’m thankful.
Allow the comment section here to be a soft place for others like me who need to know they aren’t alone or dismissed. Have grace and be kind.
I know I'm way behind in your posts; but getting to catch up now is like returning home to sit with a sister I don't know and who doesn't know me, but a sister all the same. I relate so so much to the little you let us glimpse of your life, and I just pray God's increasing blessings on your precious life.
Was just discussing this last night at dinner with a friend. You handled this discussion SO WELL. Your words are laced with honesty but also dignity. Good on you, Brea.
love this conversation and wrote about it today in my own substance without reading yours--which gives me hope that a lot of sour feeling the same and are talking about it at great cost. so anyway, keep going!
Thank you for this, Breanne. I grew up in a similar environment, and the current atmosphere scares me because it's so familiar. It's reactionary, and scared people are scary.
this analogy makes so much sense! for most of my life I would have said I grew up on the fringes, that similar teachings were familiar but not consuming but I'm starting to think maybe I was more immersed than I realized. so much to untangle and work through here and a lot of it I don't even know how to verbalize. thank you for starting this conversation. <3
Here for this! Once you see how a certain theology can destroy like the Bradford pear rips through an ecosystem, it’s hard to stay silent. Once you see it, it’s so obvious. Reactions so visceral. But to those who still see the “beauty” it can be jarring I suppose. I get it. Have no doubt you’ll approach the topic with nuance and grace.
Thank you for the support, Jamie. I appreciate that so much.
I appreciate your voice and your perspective Breanne, and I’ll be here to listen to your story (from another 30-something woman uprooting rogue seedlings and searching for what good trees look like)
It sure bolsters the spirit to know I'm not the only one. There are so many of us. ❤️
I am so here for this. ♥️
Thank you, Brittany!
As I read this sitting in a parking lot near a patch of woodland being decimated by these invasive trees, I am HERE for this conversation! I love the Bradford pear analogy, it is incredibly apt at describing the harm I’ve seen done too. Thank you for being brave & willing to explore this.
Our area has been completely gobbled up by those trees and it breaks my heart. And the parallels these invasive trees have with the current resurgence of the teaching I grew up with has given me language I didn't know I needed to describe it. Thank you for receiving my story.
Thanks for going here. By all outward accounts I could fall into the “trad” mold. If you were to look at our family, we check a lot of boxes. And sometimes I don’t know what to do with the fact that I trigger myself into “maybe I’m a fundamentalist” holes (despite the presence of wise outside sources and counsel to tell me this is not true).
I feel a similar panic in interacting with some of these spaces, because I can’t explain very well what’s so damaging about the ideology. Your pear tree is a good analogy, because it’s exactly how it is. And once you see it, it makes you sick.
But gosh, I still love trees with blossoms.
I just want the ones that are good for my land, and sometimes I don’t know how to explain the difference between the two, and I don’t trust myself to know it.
Thanks for sharing this, Annelise. I know what its like to not be able to explain very well what's damaging about certain things I'd been taught as unwaveringly true. I'm glad you're here and welcome you having a seat at the virtual table here.
A thought on the ‘maybe I’m a fundamentalist’ holes - Tim Keller wrote a series of articles about how fundamentalism is holding to certain theological beliefs PLUS exhibiting certain sociological traits, that one might hold to those beliefs yet not have those traits so one wouldn’t be fundamentalist. I can’t remember what the series was called, maybe something about the rise and fall of evangelicalism? I found it so helpful in understanding exactly what was the difference between the two, and why I might agree with someone’s theology on paper yet feel so misaligned with them.
Your last two sentences strike such a chord with me, especially now I’m raising a girl of my own!
This. This was what I didn't know I needed. I too was raised in a very religious community where I learned to silence my own dreams and put motherhood and being a wife first. I'm no longer physically in that space, but it still has a hold internally. I look forward to reading more. Thank you so much for sharing such a vulnerable, authentic part of yourself.
I'm sorry you know what this is like. It's a lot to grieve and acknowledge. I'm glad you're here, Lindsay.
Thank you for providing a safe space to explore. I adore your Tolkien work and look forward to this one as well.
>“I’m broaching these subjects as someone who speaks the mother-tongue and, as a result, has had to spend years of my life learning what it means to use my own voice.”
YES. This resonates with my own experience so much. I’m looking forward to reading this series so much. Your analogy to an invasive species, planted in hopes of solving one problem and instead creating a hundred others and choking the life out of what was there, is so good. I hope this lands with many who are searching for answers and whose hearts are open to the warnings of those who *already lived through this.*
I feel like I’m a 1/2-1 generation ahead of you and we were preached who whole different message that is equally damaging. Watching what you experienced creep back in subtly and not so subtly is alarming. I’m here for your tender story.
1. I drive down my suburban street this time of year and think, “Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your cow…” and want to take a chainsaw to them too.
2. I’ve been wrestling with complementarianism too, especially how it is increasingly being twisted in my church. There are attitudes towards women that I just can’t abide. And any woman who uses her mind and speaks up in any capacity is odd to some. It doesn’t sit well with me. But I do think I see the untwisted intent in scripture, especially when you also look at Eph. 5:21 and the commands for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church in 5:25-31. Proverbs 31 also blows the notion that women can’t work and help provide right out of the water. I’ll be praying for you as you take this topic on.
😂 love your Mulan reference. And yes to the Proverbs 31 woman!
Following, because I too was a child raised through the '90s in a 'traditional' lifestyle, and I too am concerned about the current recycling of the idea.