Hey friends. Whether you’re a paid subscriber, a free subscriber or a passing visitor. I’m so glad you’re here. The paywall has been removed from today’s post for all to enjoy. I will be taking a short break from writing on this substack until the first of the year to make room to rest, reflect and give space to full soak up the Advent season with my family.
Your support for my work is at the top of my list for things I’m thankful for in 2023. Thank you doesn’t feel sufficient but I’m gonna say it anyway. Thank you.
See you in 2024!
“Anything can happen. The world is a magical place.”
I don’t know where my six year old came up with this phrase but she says it often. Her most recent use was yesterday when we were getting ready to leave the house for a routine dental appointment. In between putting on shoes, brushing hair and zipping up coats she asked, “Are any of my friends going to be there?”
“I don’t think so, baby.” I replied while fixing my makeup in the bathroom. I was attempting to guide her expectations away from being disappointed. “We’re just going to the dentist's office.”
“They might be!” I heard her little voice float down the hallway, “Anything can happen. The world is a magical place.”
There was no rebuttal for that logic, “You’re right, honey.” I said, happily defeated. “We might see some of your friends at the dentist, you never know.”
I’ve written before about how this time of year—when it seems like everyone is setting goals and dreaming of the fresh year—is hard for me. I recently shared with friends1 how, in the past, I’ve spent many years dreaming up and accomplishing big things only to have life happen and be forced to bury those dreams in unmarked graves. When it comes to dreaming about a new year, I confess to being jaded.
It's not that I think setting exciting new goals is a waste of time. It's not that I think the people who love dreaming and working towards those dreams are naive. It's that I don’t want to be disappointed again. I don’t know if I can take it anymore.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” -Proverbs 13:12
I’ve been heartsick for a long time. There are several chronic, unresolved sufferings I have to face every morning I get out of bed. Some of those things I’ve talked about and been able to process through my public writing. The heaviest things have had to be carried privately. They’re so close and sensitive that no one knows about them but Jesus and my husband. I often don’t know how to talk about them even vaguely because I never want to make people think I’m going through my days distraught. I’m not. I have a good life. And I also have a difficult one. And couldn’t most of us say the same?
My response is usually to compartmentalize and shield myself by simply not visiting the idea of dreaming at all. If I don’t set my heart on seeing a dream realized, my heart won’t experience disappointment when it doesn’t happen. I default to self-protective mode. I focus on the day-to-day. I keep my head down. I miss that feeling of buoyant expectancy, but I also know what it's like to be exhausted from trying to stay afloat in open water.
What do you do when you feel like you’re drowning in life’s circumstances? You keep your eyes on the One who walks on the waves and whose voice the wind and seas obey.
My six-year-old didn’t see any of her friends at the dentist. We finished her routine cleaning and carried on about our normal day; a day that unfolded how it was always going to regardless of her nano-dream of possibly seeing a friend while we were there. Admittedly, “wanting to see a friend at the dentist” and “yearning for things to be healed that are shattering your heart” are two very different things. But like children often do, the simplicity of her perspective taught me a lesson.
We can either go through life barricading ourselves against disappointment or fling our hearts wide open to whatever a day (or a new year) might bring our way. One option feels more safe, sure. But the other option gives your heart room to breathe out under an open sky. Which way would you want to look back on your life and say you lived?
And after all, the world is a magical place. Anything can happen.
Thank you for reading this free post from The Redemptive, I hope you enjoyed it.
As mentioned above, I’m taking a break from writing until the new year, but I’m so excited to about the work I’m going to get to do here in 2024. Thank you for your support for what I do on this substack.
One last thing, as a thank you to my paid subscribers, I’ve curated a brand new playlists of songs to help you process the last few days of the year and usher in the promise of a new one. Putting beautiful, wholesome music together is one of my favorite things. I’m told these lists are legendary by the people who enjoy them.
If you want to consider upgrading your subscription to a paid one, simply input your email below to get the bonus gift of a fresh playlist as well as the Welcome Email that has all kinds of special “extras” I’ve put together for paid subscribers.
(if you’re already a paid subscriber just keep scrolling to get the playlist link!)