What a week.
It started with a scratchy throat last Friday and ended with me trying not to gag while cleaning dog vomit out of our living room rug. Between coming down with some kind of cold/flu/covid virus, a rough menstrual cycle and random canine digestive issues, I crashed and burned this week.
Not my finest hour, let me tell you.
Sometimes, things pile up in such a way you feel like you’re being crushed flat. I have a tendency to isolate and numb myself when that happens. In the past, this was a pattern I adopted to survive. And because our brains are really bad at getting out of old grooves, I can revert back to unhealthy coping mechanisms all too easily when life gets stressful.
After losing it one too many times this week, I explained to the kids that letting my emotions take over and explode on them wasn’t acceptable and asked their forgiveness. Then, I announced we were going outside for a walk. We live within a few feet of a busy, dangerous road and can’t afford to fence in our property. Our two small children and dog have to have adult supervision anytime they leave the house. So, even though my body was still exhausted from this virus, I forced myself to get everyone out of the house.
I noticed spring is finally here. She’s brought her rainstorms and puddles but as long she keeps tossing out the blooms and warmer temperatures, I don’t mind so much. We walked under the still naked branches and felt the breeze on our bare skin. I saw green where there used to be brown. I heard a red-tail hawk.
Nothing that has made this week incredibly stressful for me was fixed on that walk outside but I breathed a little easier out there and came back to the house with a clearer mind.
I don’t want to spend the days of my life (even the really bad ones) numbing and isolating myself. I want to enter into beauty as a means to know the heart of Jesus Christ, the Author of it.
He knew what this week would entail. He knew how sick I would be, that I would get that phone call, that my body’s hormones would be imbalanced, that my dog would randomly throw up on the carpet for the first time in her life. And He’s provided grace for all of it.
This week, my kids have watched their mother mess up repeatedly and imperfectly reach for Christ’s strength in my weakness just as often. I wouldn’t want to repeat these past few days, but I’m thankful for how God has met me in them.
Let Him meet with you too.
Ugh! What a crummy week! Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing bits of beauty hard fought for.