Give me a soft spring; one without edges and expectations. I want to sit in the sun and feel the relief of receiving something lost and longed for. I want to work hard at making beautiful things and fall asleep worn out from fulfilling my purpose. I want to rest in the goodness of the Lord manifested in the changing season.
Give me walks outside with my dog and kids. Give me the smell of dirt and rain. Give me golden afternoons with a laptop and words springing up like dandelions under my fingertips. Give me evenings getting lost in a movie while holding my husband’s hand.
The winter wasn’t one I’d want to relive. The sun pulled her face behind a veil of clouds and walked the horizons in a watery haze giving no heat. The grass turned a sickly yellow and wilted. Empty branches raked across the sky overhead; creaking and moaning in the infinite gray. I grieved.
And suddenly, spring is here. I heard a mockingbird and then a robin and then a chickadee. One after the other and then all at once. I saw a crocus emerge purple and trembling. The grass has unfurled in thick green. It’s ankle deep and will need mowing soon. I can already imagine the scent of it tangling in the air.
Every year, I watch the world soften and I never want to rush it. After the trials of winter, I want to ease into spring savoring every bloom, every warm wind, every new tendril of green. Even when the cold does snap back and I wake up to a hoar frost or a new snow, I know it won’t last. The sun will emerge, the shadows will disappear and the victory march will continue.
God’s faithfulness is made tangible to me as I limp through winter. He sustains me in the dark every time. And I’ve not lived a year yet that He hasn’t adorned with spring.
Three springs ago, I was working furiously to launch a business off the ground. I spent every moment I had to spare (and most of the ones I didn’t) doing everything the girl bosses tell you to do to become a successful entrepreneur. And, on paper at least, it was successful. I sold what I needed to sell. I helped many women in exactly the way I promised them I would. I was almost halfway to saving up for a downpayment on a house.
And then I had to shut it all down.