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I don’t thrive in winter.
But like the trees, I no longer believe I have to. The sun slants at its coldest and darkest during these months. Here in the North, this is a mercy.
Rest gives roots time to anchor themselves in deeper, lasting things.
The trees shiver as they raise their empty arms toward the horizon in salute of the ongoing dark. Their naked branches aren’t a sign of barreness but rather a brutal form of beauty enduring when ease is stripped away.
I’ve never enjoyed these cold months but God has always carried me through them. And I’ve always met spring’s return with stronger roots.
Two years ago, I was diagnosed with PMDD. A chronic illness that increases the intensity of typical period symptoms tenfold. I’ve learned ways to better manage my symptoms but the accompanying depression has become an undercurrent to everything I do.
In summertime, I don’t have to fight as hard to keep from being pulled under. Most days are warm, sunny and full of physical activity. Moving my body and getting out of the house comes with few struggles. I flourish.
In winter, I wither until I feel like I don’t even know myself. The mental load of coping with depression and monthly flare ups of PMDD coupled with all the extra steps it takes to stay active—wearing sensory overloading layers, fighting off random colds/viruses, forcing myself to get outside when it’s freezing—wears me down pretty quickly.
I used to see this as a character flaw. My inability to thrive in winter was a sign I didn’t have enough faith or I was a weak, lazy person. Surely a someone made of more durable moral fiber wouldn’t be phased by something as commonplace as wintertime. What kind of a loser am I to struggle this much?
I’ve since learned to be more graceful with myself.
I started going to therapy every week. I let some things go (dishes + laundry somedays, but mostly unachievable expectations and comparison). I started writing weekly on Substack for the discipline and joy of it. I practice gratitude when I force my body to move and exercise. I get up to see the sunrises (even when they’re cloaked in a gray blanket of clouds). And, without shame, I rest.
Has doing these things removed the sting of winter completely? No. I still feel like I’m muddling through most days. But I’ve found being proactive with the things I know will help me has infused more hope and grit into the long, gray season.
Maybe, for some of us, winter doesn’t have to be about thriving in the traditional sense. Maybe we just get by in the best way available to us and that’s enough.
Besides the big things like therapy, diet and exercise, I’ve found a few seemingly small things that also help me muddle through winter. I hope they can help you too.
3 way to help you have the best winter available to you:
Follow people on social media who LOVE winter. Seriously. I may never be one of them, but seeing others experience joy in a season I struggle with helps me have a more positive perspective while living through it. Two of my favorites are Julie and Jennifer. Know any more winter-lovers I should be following? Please share them in the comments below!
Make a Pinterest board dedicated to honoring the magic of winter. Layers of knit blankets. Snow laden pine trees. Intricate frost designs on window panes. Roaring fires and steaming mugs. Cats curled on the bed. Books stacked on the nightstand. Twinkle lights. Doing this is an active way to hunt for beauty and it’s such a beneficial discipline. ps. because I can’t remember if this practice is something Kristen Lavalley originally suggested, I’m going to use this to also recommend you subscribe to her substack for her “wintering” series. You’ll love it!
Get up and move your body. I know, I know. Everyone says this but that’s because, unfortunately, it works. Last year, I started walking 10 minutes a day. That’s it. I’ve never exercised consistently in my life because working out always felt intimidating and overwhelming. But I figured I could handle a 10 minute walk. And then it was a 15 minutes. And then 30 minutes. Now, I try to walk at least 50 minutes a day. It’s improved my mental health so much—especially in winter.
If you’re someone who truly suffers in the winter months, these three things won’t make it instantly easier. I wish they could. But these tiny choices (and any other healthy ones you make!) can be intentional ways you fight for truth and joy in a season where those things feel scarce. I’m right there in the good fight with you.
While the light gets swallowed down the throat of winter, we’ll wait; trusting God to weave His mercy into every step we take in the dark.
Maybe like me, you don’t thrive in winter. Accept the relief of knowing you don’t have to—what a beautiful mercy from our Father.
Spring is coming.
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I’m nowhere near Christianity, but you write beautifully and as a person brought up in a country with 7 months of (semi)winter a year I do relate a lot. Thank you for sharing this
I needed this. ♥️