Thank you for your vulnerability in writing this. Your story is your story and may you be blessed and may others be blessed as you share it and work through the nuances imperfectly. I think you make a good point that Christ is the center of the Christian home, and we are ALL called to have a generosity of spirit and be hospitable—not just in our homes but with our hearts.
Love your perspective on this. Making home a welcoming, sacred space is something we can all do, and not just the responsibility of the 'homemaker' wife.
One of my favorite responses to the whole Benedictine commencement thing was this response from the nuns at St. Scholastica:
“…One of our concerns was the assertion that being a homemaker is the highest calling for a woman. We sisters have dedicated our lives to God and God’s people, including the many women whom we have taught and influenced during the past 160 years. These women have made a tremendous difference in the world in their roles as wives and mothers and through their God-given gifts in leadership, scholarship, and their careers.”
“Our community has taught young women and men not just how to be ‘homemakers’ in a limited sense, but rather how to make a Gospel-centered, compassionate home within themselves where they can welcome others as Christ, empowering them to be the best versions of themselves…”
I can relate to so much of what you say about the trappings of my life looking like I’m a homemaker — I am, and there’s many parts I love. But the ideology around it feels like it might strangle me some days. Why can I not just be a person, doing what I’m called to do in my individual family and life?
“If mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” was playfully tossed around in our home, but it has been a sticky gum stuck to my shoe. The pressure never really felt fair. (Like at four am this morning when I children awoke and said “Hark! Daylight!” And I was absolutely top to bottom cranky and insisted we all keep sleeping. I don’t see another way that could have gone without a really meaningful pause or you know, a different time on the clock) I am grateful that we now as a family try to have a more collaborative way of homemaking, although I am still often viewed as “the boss” when it comes to parenting and keeping the home. However this is balanced out with a very involved husband in the parenting and home/chore arena as well as an echoed sentiment that we’re all taking care of the home. Some days this is more true than others. More than anything I’m just grateful to read from the perspective of someone else who lived through that same time and place, though my family left the church where we started our journey as a family because of highly legalistic viewpoints and eventually corrupt behaviour in the leadership. It pains me to know a church crumbled, and the congregation eventually did too. Even so some of the ideas of the theological movements of the time made their way into our home too. I still only know you from afar but feel so grateful for the work you do, the meaningful practice of writing you do and the parts of your heart and soul you deem ready and right to share.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your words on this subject Breanne 🤗 I love that there is a space here on Substack for mothers who write and share the beautiful writing that is on their heart ♥️
I don’t think I had thought this out as fully as you lay out here but I’m thankful for your perspective + words as usual. I’m someone who has also benefitted from being able to stay home- the years of trauma and chronic fatigue and work needed time to unravel. Yet, I too recognize that it has not done women any favors to put us in these boxes- some of my closest friends are not home makers in the traditional sense but the gifts they bring to these world are so unique and no man could bring them in the same way. 💕 I will be thinking about this more. Thank you for writing this.
Yeah the whole ‘if mama ain’t happy nobodies happy’ fell apart when my child screamed all night. At that point if the CHILD wasn’t happy no one was happy. 😜😂
Correct me if I'm wrong, but in Titus 2, Paul instructs the elder women to teach the younger to be managers of their home. Some translations say makers. Nothing the difference in word choice has helped me a lot. There are many ways to manage something. And it doesn't have to look the Instagram cultish homemaker. I do wonder why this instruction was given to women. Why they were singled out here. Surely it was in response to something, maybe the idle gossips who needed something more constructive to, do. According to your piece here, it would seem men could be told the same thing. And indeed the qualifications for leadership in the church included as much, right? Just pondering...
As a mom who works full-time from home, with one child in daycare and one at home with me, and who grew up in similar spaces, this hits home. Financially, it's not an option for me to stay home and I do get a lot of satisfaction from my outside-the-home work. And yet the guilt remains. I appreciate your tenderness in these words.
Oh this hits deep. It took me far too long to release the guilt when I acknowledged I am a better mom when I work out of the home. It is still messaging I hear and have to fight against. I love the vision of collectively building a home...rather than putting it on the woman who is likely healing as well.
I'm sorry that guilt has plagued you (I know it all too well). May you continue to flourish in freedom as we all work to make heaven in our homes together in whatever form it needs to take.
Yes and amen.
Thank you for your vulnerability in writing this. Your story is your story and may you be blessed and may others be blessed as you share it and work through the nuances imperfectly. I think you make a good point that Christ is the center of the Christian home, and we are ALL called to have a generosity of spirit and be hospitable—not just in our homes but with our hearts.
So good.
Love your perspective on this. Making home a welcoming, sacred space is something we can all do, and not just the responsibility of the 'homemaker' wife.
One of my favorite responses to the whole Benedictine commencement thing was this response from the nuns at St. Scholastica:
“…One of our concerns was the assertion that being a homemaker is the highest calling for a woman. We sisters have dedicated our lives to God and God’s people, including the many women whom we have taught and influenced during the past 160 years. These women have made a tremendous difference in the world in their roles as wives and mothers and through their God-given gifts in leadership, scholarship, and their careers.”
“Our community has taught young women and men not just how to be ‘homemakers’ in a limited sense, but rather how to make a Gospel-centered, compassionate home within themselves where they can welcome others as Christ, empowering them to be the best versions of themselves…”
I can relate to so much of what you say about the trappings of my life looking like I’m a homemaker — I am, and there’s many parts I love. But the ideology around it feels like it might strangle me some days. Why can I not just be a person, doing what I’m called to do in my individual family and life?
Yes!!!
“If mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” was playfully tossed around in our home, but it has been a sticky gum stuck to my shoe. The pressure never really felt fair. (Like at four am this morning when I children awoke and said “Hark! Daylight!” And I was absolutely top to bottom cranky and insisted we all keep sleeping. I don’t see another way that could have gone without a really meaningful pause or you know, a different time on the clock) I am grateful that we now as a family try to have a more collaborative way of homemaking, although I am still often viewed as “the boss” when it comes to parenting and keeping the home. However this is balanced out with a very involved husband in the parenting and home/chore arena as well as an echoed sentiment that we’re all taking care of the home. Some days this is more true than others. More than anything I’m just grateful to read from the perspective of someone else who lived through that same time and place, though my family left the church where we started our journey as a family because of highly legalistic viewpoints and eventually corrupt behaviour in the leadership. It pains me to know a church crumbled, and the congregation eventually did too. Even so some of the ideas of the theological movements of the time made their way into our home too. I still only know you from afar but feel so grateful for the work you do, the meaningful practice of writing you do and the parts of your heart and soul you deem ready and right to share.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your words on this subject Breanne 🤗 I love that there is a space here on Substack for mothers who write and share the beautiful writing that is on their heart ♥️
I don’t think I had thought this out as fully as you lay out here but I’m thankful for your perspective + words as usual. I’m someone who has also benefitted from being able to stay home- the years of trauma and chronic fatigue and work needed time to unravel. Yet, I too recognize that it has not done women any favors to put us in these boxes- some of my closest friends are not home makers in the traditional sense but the gifts they bring to these world are so unique and no man could bring them in the same way. 💕 I will be thinking about this more. Thank you for writing this.
Yeah the whole ‘if mama ain’t happy nobodies happy’ fell apart when my child screamed all night. At that point if the CHILD wasn’t happy no one was happy. 😜😂
Correct me if I'm wrong, but in Titus 2, Paul instructs the elder women to teach the younger to be managers of their home. Some translations say makers. Nothing the difference in word choice has helped me a lot. There are many ways to manage something. And it doesn't have to look the Instagram cultish homemaker. I do wonder why this instruction was given to women. Why they were singled out here. Surely it was in response to something, maybe the idle gossips who needed something more constructive to, do. According to your piece here, it would seem men could be told the same thing. And indeed the qualifications for leadership in the church included as much, right? Just pondering...
As a mom who works full-time from home, with one child in daycare and one at home with me, and who grew up in similar spaces, this hits home. Financially, it's not an option for me to stay home and I do get a lot of satisfaction from my outside-the-home work. And yet the guilt remains. I appreciate your tenderness in these words.
As a single woman either deliberately excluded or just left out I too experienced the wounds this brings.
Here’s to a future where we all come together to create spaces we can all feel at home in.
I see your wounds. They are valid and real and should have never happened in the first place. And yes, I'm fighting for that future too. ❤️
Oh this hits deep. It took me far too long to release the guilt when I acknowledged I am a better mom when I work out of the home. It is still messaging I hear and have to fight against. I love the vision of collectively building a home...rather than putting it on the woman who is likely healing as well.
I'm sorry that guilt has plagued you (I know it all too well). May you continue to flourish in freedom as we all work to make heaven in our homes together in whatever form it needs to take.